39% of Americans say they work out zero times a week.  Which raises the question:  how do you stay slim when you blow off the gym?

Simple!  Just follow today's list of the Top 10 Easy Ways to Burn Calories without Exercising:

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1. Tell your wife what you really think of her haircut and then dodge whatever she hurls at you.

Photo by Julien L on Unsplash
Photo by Julien L on Unsplash
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2. Take the stairs at work.  Okay, unemployment office.  Okay, homeless shelter.

Photo by Vidar Nordli-Mathisen on Unsplash
Photo by Vidar Nordli-Mathisen on Unsplash
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3. Don't just sell meth.  Use it!

Photo by Quinten de Graaf on Unsplash
Photo by Quinten de Graaf on Unsplash
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4. Do things by hand. Take your mind out of the gutter on this one, lol.

Photo by NeONBRAND on Unsplash
Photo by NeONBRAND on Unsplash
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5. Maintain a brisk trot as you go door-to-door stealing Amazon packages.

Photo by MealPro on Unsplash
Photo by MealPro on Unsplash
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6. Replace your office chair with that giant inflatable thing that looks like Nicki Minaj's cousin's friend's testicle after he got vaccinated.

Via Stones River Chiropractic YouTube
Via Stones River Chiropractic YouTube
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7. Knit.  It's why you never see a fat 98-year-old.

Photo by Ursula Castillo on Unsplash
Photo by Ursula Castillo on Unsplash
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8. Cut your grass with a push mower.  Or even better yet...scissors.

Via RJ Elouaid YouTube
Via RJ Elouaid YouTube
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9. Get rid of your handyman and do household chores yourself.  Unless he looks like The Rock and works without a shirt.  Then, just sit back and be fat and happy.

Via NicandroVisionMotivation YouTube
Via NicandroVisionMotivation YouTube
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10. Have tons of sexy time.  Ha-ha-ha!  Sorry, I tried to stay away from the obvious.

Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash
Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash
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