Top 7 Passive-Aggressive Gifts for People You Don’t Like
Christmas is hard. And it's doubly hard when you have to buy for someone you don't like. But that doesn't mean you can't make it fun, give it some pizazz or put your mark all over it. Here are some ideas for the people in your life you could do without ... but are stuck with.
You know you have someone in your life who’s a little too full of themselves. Take them down a peg or two by going on Facebook, getting a picture of them, and plastering it on a custom-made coffee mug. Maybe T-shirts in a few different colors. How about a mouse pad with their own face on it? You know it’s the only thing they really want to look at all day. If you're not keen on dropping that kind of dough, just stick their picture on the bottom of a coffee mug. No one ever looks at the bottom, and every time they drink, they'll be showing themselves off to everyone.
Everyone also has someone in their lives is who is a nasty slob. Make them a nice, cellophaned gift basket full of wonderful cleaning products, face masks, hand sanitizer and rubber gloves. It’s easy to play it off as, “Hey, everyone needs cleaning supplies.” Except that under your breath, you’re also adding, “Especially, you -- you nauseating filth monkey.”
Make it clear that you’re ready for someone to exit your life by buying them random travel guides. Start small by buying one to another state. Then a country in Europe. Then whatever country is fighting a war somewhere. It’s the gift that says, “Wish you were there.”
Dude, birds are loud and screechy and constantly upset about God knows what. They make terrible gifts. If you ever get a bird from someone, it wasn’t a mistake – they hate you.
It’s a good thing that gift cards don’t come with some sort of meter, verifying how much is still on them. And it’s not like the recipient is going to call the hotline and check. So give them that gift card you still have that only has $1.32 left on it. Say nothing while imagining the look of surprise on their face at the checkout counter. It will keep you warm in the darkest winter.
Star Wars fans and Star Trek fans are often worlds apart. Galaxies, even. The two franchises are kind of on opposite ends of the spectrum. So deliberately mess up the two when buying gifts. Then tell them, “It’s all the same. Nanoo nanoo.” Then sit back with your popcorn and watch the fireworks.
Because then you can literally say that “someone finally bought you a Clue.”