The Most Expensive Overnight Stays In Lake Charles

I’m not sure what’s up with the ALL CAPS TEXTSPEAK listing, but hey. Whatever. I’m not here to judge.

For only $189 a night, you can enjoy staying in this Classic Bungalow located in the historic Margaret Place district. Of course, you’ll need to pay a $150 security deposit first, and there’s also a $20 cleaning fee involved - but hey, it comes complete with whatever the heck a “whiteyboard” is, so there’s that.

It may have a Strict cancellation policy, but it also comes with a steam room. You know, just in case walking around outside in southwest Louisiana isn’t already hot and humid enough for you.

These next two listings are kind of a cheat because they’re way over on the other side of Calcasieu Lake in Hackberry, but if Airbnb says that’s close enough to be considered part of Lake Charles, then who am I to argue?

This one will set you back $250 per night, but for that, you get a kitchen, air conditioning, and whatever “essentials” are. I’m guessing toilet paper.

They have a Flexible cancellation policy, but you’ll need to pony up $250 clams as a security deposit before you even think about showing up and using any of those Essentials. There’s also a $65 cleaning fee because I guess you’re kind of a slob and should probably feel bad about your life choices.

Also, there’s no free parking on the premises, so you might want to park at the next listing’s house and just walk to your Big Lake Camp Rental.

The $225 per night rental fee for this property will get you access to fishing and hunting, plus there’s a kitchen, a TV, WiFi, and access to what I can only assume are the same “essentials” you get with the $250 Hackberry listing.

The cancellation policy here is Moderate, but there’s an outdoor barbecue pit and the kitchen comes fully stocked. The listing doesn’t say what it’s stocked with, but I’d be heartbroken if there wasn’t at least one suspicious can of Beef With Juices tucked away in the back of a cabinet somewhere.

This listing is back in Lake Charles itself, and the price just took a serious bump. You’ll need to shell out $499 smackers for this one, per night.

The owner describes it as a French country style home, and it comes complete with a swimming pool in the backyard that can transform into a hot tub somehow. No word on whether it makes that cool Transformers sound from the cartoon, though.

The cancellation policy here is Strict, but there’s no security deposit. You do have to stay a MINIMUM of 2 nights though, so that’ll be $1000, thankyouverymuch.

Also, there’s a $100 cleaning fee, which is probably to cover the cost of cleaning up the sticky remains of whoever was lingering in the pool when somebody pushed the Transform-Into-Hot-Tub button. Very tragic.

The most expensive Lake Charles property listed on Airbnb is The Lake House, and it’ll cost you $750 per night to stay there.

They have a Strict cancellation policy, require a $250 security deposit, and there’s a whopping $150 cleaning fee. I have no idea why these cleaning fees are getting bigger as the nightly rates go up, but I suspect there’s some sort of inverse relationship between how much money you have and how clean you are. Someone should do a study.

You’ll need to book a minimum of two nights, too. I hope you have an extra $1500 tucked away in the couch cushions or something.

They also don’t allow smoking, pets, or any loud noises after 10pm. I guess you can still make quiet noises, although I’m not sure why you’d even bother.

Oh, and the owner may or may not be on-site in the detached game room at any given time, but at least she won’t be making any loud noises in there. So there’s that.